5. Fire Emblem (the first one they gave America)
I don't have anything against Fire Emblem in particular. What I simply can't stand is the genre: Strategy RPG. I feel they take almost all the excitement out of RPGs and reduce them to odd games of chess with occasional action sequences. And this game is a huge offender of that crime. Beyond that, the pacing is terrible, with the tutorial taking what feels like more time than the rest of the game and not providing any information that you couldn't figure out on your own, making the game even less exciting. But for all you Fire Emblem fans out there, just know that there may come a day when I try to play another SRPG and that takes this game's spot, but until then, what many consider one of the greatest games ever is on my bottom of the barrel list. At least Roy is awesome.
4. Lost Via Domus
Though Lost is one of my favorite shows, when I tried playing its video game, I was quite underwhelmed. The result of one of the most cryptic, exciting shows' entrance into the gaming scene was one of the most linear, boring, "go here, do that" games I've ever played. What's that, person who's read my reviews before? You're confused that I don't like this type of game because I'm a JRPG fan? Well, this shit doesn't have dragons, now does it? Beyond this poor game design, this game has become infamous in my house as being "the proof that Jack sucks at video games" all because I couldn't figure out where the next god damn section of that god damn cave was because it was too god damn dark to see a god damn thing in the caves of this god damn... I'm sorry you had to read that.
3. Call of Duty Black Ops (Wii version)
I enjoyed Black Ops on the PS3. I assume it was just as good on the 360 though I've never owned an Xbox console in my life. Meanwhile, the Wii got the definitive worst version of one of the last decent Call of Duty games. Let me level of with you all: Motion controls are never really very good. And first person shooters with motion controls are legitimately terrible most of the time. You probably won't even be able to keep the controller in the right place all the time, since you have to hold the Wiimote out with the nunchuck directly behind it and just because I'm sure Nintendo doesn't understand this concept, people's arms get tired! If you intend on playing this game, you should definitely get the Wii zapper peripheral so that it won't feel as awkward trying to keep the controllers in the right place. But even with that, your reticle will never stay still and will never move to the place you really want it to. I bet it's compatible with some traditional controller, but no matter what you use to play this thing, it just doesn't look very good. I don't know if this version is a lower resolution, but it's at least a lower frame rate. It just looks like complete garbage and should be treated as such.
2. Sonic '06
I don't even feel the need to explain why this game is on the list; instead I should probably explain why it's not number 1. Ya see, the thing is... It's kinda hilarious. I mean, I don't get enjoyment out of it as a game, that's for sure, but I get some odd enjoyment out of how glitchy and weird it is. I mean, you can walk up loops sometimes. That might at first come off as insulting to the player because you're not bothering to fix a critical error in the game, but come on, that's hilarious! Just watching him casually go up until he's walking on the wall and then upside down and then back the right way all at the speed of a leisurely stroll is incredibly entertaining. So is it a good game? No. Did I waste my money? Yeah, kinda. If an indie developer made this, would I give him a pass and just screw around trying to find new ways to break the game. Totally.
1. Call of Duty Ghosts
This is, by far, the worst game I've ever played. This game is so bad, I couldn't play first person shooters for a long time. It took six months for me to try another one, and that was Borderlands 2, one of my now favorite games of all time, and the reason I bought it was because it had RPG elements and a cel-shaded art style. It took my favorite genre and my favorite art style being mixed in to get me to play another FPS after Ghosts. That's the equivalent of putting your dog's pill in peanut butter so he doesn't just spit it out. Point is, this game put a real bad taste in my mouth. I can't even remember all the reasons I hate it other than I just couldn't feel myself having any fun with it. Now, I don't buy CoD games anymore. I scold my friends for buying them. And I take pity on myself for ever having enjoyed that franchise...
Well, that's it I guess. What about you? What games do you think you'll love forever? What games do you want to slap yourself for buying? Let me know down in the comments. Right now, I'm writing this on Christmas Eve, so you should probably look forward to some new reviews coming very soon. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go convince my brothers to play UnderTale. Someone has to do it.
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